This week was my 11-year anniversary at work, and for some reason a couple of nights ago I had a nightmare that I was let go from my job. Dream me was a sobbing mess as I packed up my things and panicked about how I was going to pay bills with no income. Cat food isn’t cheap, people. Needless to say, I was pretty happy to wake up that morning and discover that it had all been just a dream, and I can’t remember the last time I was so happy to get up and get ready for work.
A scary dream about losing my employment definitely made me more grateful for my steady job, and my ability to rely on paychecks being deposited into my bank account every two weeks. For me, this whole week has been full of gratitude-inspiring moments. I’m trying to re-establish my workout schedule after falling way off track over the last several months. When I woke up this morning, my arms and shoulders were SORE after a particularly intense kettle ball workout at my gym yesterday. It may sound crazy, but I was incredibly happy to hurt. I can feel myself getting back in shape, back to a place where I feel like I can push myself and my body will do whatever I want it to do. I know that I’m lucky to be able to go into the gym and work hard and feel good. Not everyone can. I have friends that are struggling with injury recovery right now and I see their frustrations. That could just as easily be me, and I’m thankful for my health.
It’s been a really crazy week at work for my boyfriend, and yet amid insanely long hours he still manages to make time to have dinner with me, and talk to me on the phone on days I don’t get to see him. No matter what’s going on in his life, he makes me a priority. I’m so grateful for him, and so overwhelmed in the best possible way by how much he loves me and cares about me.
And then there was this moment:

I was watching TV the other night, and Saturday came and snuggled up to me, purring himself to sleep. I love my kitties so much. They make me so, so happy. I don’t think it’s possible to be unhappy with a sweet, purring kitty snuggled up to you. I love our cuddly moments.
Next week I get to spend a long weekend with my family, and I’m extremely excited for the visit. My family is important to me, and living so far away I don’t get to see them nearly as often as I’d like to.
And, lastly, I am happy that it is Friday and that this dreary rain we’ve had this week is supposed to clear out right in time for the weekend!
 
 

I wasn’t going to write about Ray Rice, the former Baltimore Ravens running back who was caught on video knocking his then-fiancee, now wife, out cold in an elevator. Yes, what he did made me angry and sickened me. I seriously doubt that the day that video was shot was the first time he’d raised his hands to a woman, or the last. All that makes me sad, but those comments have been made before, so I didn’t see the need to take to the Internet to reiterate them.
It makes me madder still that Rice wasn’t cut from the Ravens until this week, when additional footage was released showing what happened in that elevator. To me, the fact that he was abusing a woman in that elevator was enough, regardless of footage. It disgusts me that, so often even in our present day, acts of domestic violence are downplayed or downright ignored until there is too much evidence staring society in the face to be able to turn away from it. In this case, it was video footage. Often, it’s a victim being either severely injured or killed that spurs the wake-up call. And even now, amid the horror-stricken people crying out for Rice to not just be suspended from the NFL, but jailed for his actions, comes the question, “Why does his wife stay with him?” I hate this question. I suppose it’s one that you can’t really understand the answer to unless you’ve been the victim of violence at the hands of someone you love, and who claims to love you. But really, this question is just a form of victim-shaming. In my mind, asking a battered woman why she stays with her abuser is no different than asking a rape victim why she wore such a short skirt.
Even with all of that, I still hadn’t planned on writing about this. It’s very triggering for me and I would rather just acknowledge that it was a terrible thing that Ray Rice did, and move on. But then today on Twitter, I found the hashtags #whyIstayed and #whyIleft trending. And it just broke me. I sat and read tweet after tweet, survivors and victims putting themselves out there and answering the question of why they chose to stay, and why they finally left. They were addressing, in one united strong voice, the answer to the question that has been asked so much about Janay Palmer Rice. I added my own tweets, to let my voice be heard.
And so, I am writing about Ray Rice. I am writing about domestic violence, because people want to understand the answer to the question, “Why does she stay?” She stays because she loves him. Because she doesn’t want to disrupt her family. Because being a victim of domestic violence can still make that victim feel ashamed, even though she has done nothing wrong. There’s still so much stigma out there. No one chooses to be a victim. We don’t choose to be mugged, or held up at the bank, or raped. We don’t choose to be hurt by the people we love, either, and yet it happens. And if one good thing is to come out of this whole ordeal, it’s that people are talking about this issue. They aren’t just asking a question anymore, that question is being answered by the voices of those who know the answer all too well. I am writing about Ray Rice to add my voice to a growing conversation that I think might actually have the power to change the way we look at this issue. I am writing this in hopes that maybe I can help even one person get the courage to take the actions to leave, so that maybe even one more person can be a survivor, and share the part of their story that will begin with #whyIleft.

Last week was quite literally a week of challenges, and by that I mean challenges on Facebook.First, my friend Marie called me out and challenged me to a Happiness Challenge. To complete the challenge successfully, I had to post three things on my Facebook wall that made me happy for a five-day period. This particular challenge was very appealing to me, because I think it’s a great idea to take a moment every day and embrace what makes me happy in my  life. Last May I started keeping a daily Gratitude Journal where I documented things that I was grateful for, so the Happiness Challenge fit right in with what I was already doing. The challenge caught on, and it was incredibly refreshing to see lists of things that made my friends happy every day when I scrolled through my News Feed.
The other challenge that has been very popular lately is the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. ALS, aka Lou Gehrig’s disease, is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects a person’s nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord. The disease is ultimately fatal. The rules of the challenge state that, once challenged, people will dump a bucket of ice water on their heads within 24 hours of being called out and make a $10 donation to the ALS Association for research, or donate $100 if they fail to complete the challenge within the allotted time.
I watched through the week as friend after friend uploaded videos of themselves taking the Ice Bucket Challenge. Then my boyfriend was challenged, and it was decided that he would do it at a birthday party we attended last Sunday. It seemed like the perfect scenario: we would already have a large bucket of ice that a keg was going to be placed in, so the water was getting used regardless, and there was a hot tub for post-challenge. At some point I decided that I wanted to take part in this, and he obligingly challenged me in the video. Here’s the highlight of it, the moment when the water was dropped.
The thing that I liked about both of these challenges is that they both promoted doing something positive. The Happiness Challenge required focus on what was good, even if someone was having an especially crappy day. And the Ice Bucket Challenge is promoting awareness and raising funds to hopefully cure a terrible disease that could literally impact anyone. I think that both challenges did something good and I’m glad I was included in them!
 

Two weeks ago, I hit a major milestone: my thirtieth birthday. While a lot of people dread this particular birthday, I was looking forward to it immensely, feeling more than ready to leave my twenties behind. For the most part, they were good years, and I certainly learned a lot about myself and about life. But as I say often, I do love a fresh start, and the beginning of a new year of my life that is also the next decade in my life makes me feel all sorts of excited for what’s to come.
If I had been asked, when I turned twenty, where I thought I would be by the time I was turning thirty, I know that I would have had a far different vision for myself than what reality is. In some ways, things are better than I could have dreamed: my professional life has really taken off since moving to Washington four years ago, and my thirtieth birthday coincided with the first day in an exciting new job at work. Other things are not as great as I’d hoped for, I admit. I didn’t really see myself living alone in a two-bedroom apartment with a parking space barely big enough to fit a skateboard, but that’s where I am now. Maybe it’s not glamorous, but not everything in life is.
When I was in my twenties, I was insecure and codependent, and wasn’t really sure who I was or what value (if any) I held. But in the last few years I have grown to be confident, self-sufficient, successful, and driven. I definitely don’t have all the answers…but, really, who does? I’ve moved from the girl I was in my early twenties, who was constantly seeking out validation of her own self-worth and who felt she would finally be happy if she could just have more money, or lose more weight, or whatever the goal of the moment was, to basking in the moment and enjoying every day for all it has to offer. I wake up every day thinking of how lucky I am for all that I have, instead of wishing for things that aren’t yet mine.
Where I am even just two weeks into being thirty, is the happiest I’ve ever been in my adult life. I continually reflect on and feel grateful for the love of my family, boyfriend, friends, and kitties: the people (and pets) that make life so wonderful. I’m grateful for the experiences of my twenties that shaped who I am today, and for the lessons that I learned along the way. I believe that I have an extremely bright future and am excited to see what great things the next year holds for me. And I anticipate that by the time I’m leaving my thirties behind, my life will be more amazing than I ever could have dreamed of.

It’s early summer in Seattle, and last weekend the weather was warm enough to indulge in one of my favorite summer activities: kayaking! I am far from an experienced kayaker, but I do like to get out on the water a couple times each summer. I think kayaking is a lot of fun, and it’s also good exercise!
I went with my boyfriend and a couple of good friends to Agua Verde Paddle Club, a great place to rent kayaks and also to grab food afterwards. From Agua Verde’s docks, you can paddle around Lake Union and see the city skyline and the houseboats that surround the lake, or you can go toward Lake Washington and check out the Arboretum. We opted for Lake Union, and it was beautiful! We did get rained on for a bit, but since I usually end up getting splashed and soaked every time I kayak anyway, it didn’t really matter to me.

After our kayaking adventure, I changed into dry pants (I’m telling you, I always get soaked!) and we went to the Agua Verde Cafe for a post-kayaking lunch. I actually discovered the cafe before I kayaked at Agua Verde, on a vacation to Seattle back in 2008. From that first experience to my lunch last weekend, the food has always been fantastic. Agua Verde serves fresh, authentic Mexican food, and the generous portion sizes are perfect for famished kayakers. The restaurant is casual, brightly painted, and offers a beautiful view of the lake. You order at the counter, then pick a place to sit. Food is brought out to you in record time. My two favorite menu items are the Puerco Burrito (I get a side of guacamole with it and it tastes soooo good!) and the Pollo Tacos, which are topped with an amazing cranberry slaw. Both are delicious!
Whether you’re craving delicious Mexican food, adventure, or a bit of both, Agua Verde definitely offers it. I plan on making it back at least a couple more times this summer!
 

I used to be the girl that despised change. I wanted everything in my little world to stay cozy and consistent. Of course, I realize that nothing stays the same, and so resisting change is pointless…but even so, it took me nearly thirty years to accept and even embrace change.
Last February, I wrote about some major life changes I was experiencing, some of which I had initiated the prior fall. Back when I wrote that update, I was still unsure about my new life, even though I knew that the personal changes I’d made were for the best. Since then, I’ve found SO much happiness and am more assured than ever that the things that I’ve done for myself are right. I’ve made new friends, and strengthened existing friendships. I’ve fallen in love with someone new and am enjoying every blissful moment of that love. I’m having adventures, having fun, enjoying every day for what it has to offer instead of relentlessly looking toward the future and hoping that it will offer me what I desire. I feel at peace, more than I can ever remember feeling.
When things are right, they flow.
Gone are the days when I felt that I had to struggle for every little thing I want. Maybe this is because I’ve reached a point where I’m letting things happen, and not trying to force what will never be. Maybe it’s because I’ve gained more confidence, and continue to do so. Or maybe it’s both, one never can really tell for sure. But what I can tell is that things just feel so fluid, so right. 
In April, I cut my long hair into a short, inverted bob. I was VERY nervous about doing this. But it turned out great, and I felt so much more attractive with the new cut. I kept it til yesterday, when I went in for a trim and came out with a pixie cut.

For years, I’ve admired women with the confidence to wear their hair so short. They have no long layers to shield their faces and hide behind. I never believed that I could pull off such a style, so I just looked on.
Yesterday when I revealed to my stylist what I had in mind, she was thrilled and gushed about how excited she was to see the results, insisting that I have the perfect face shape for such a cut. Now that I have it, I definitely agree with her and I feel amazing about my appearance! I’ve gotten a TON of compliments about my new hair.
While a fresh hairstyle is definitely a change, my new look is the smaller of the changes taking place in my life. The bigger is a career change that I am incredibly excited about. I accepted a temporary six-month analyst position with my company, with potential for a permanent position after the first of the year. This job is entirely different from anything I’ve ever done and I am beyond excited for the new challenge.
I’m taking my new job beginning July 15th. In between now and then, I have four days next week to work, followed by a ten-day vacation that I’m kicking off by celebrating the 4th of July in Portland with my love, and continuing back in Washington with my parents, who are visiting from California. Together, we will celebrate yet another change in my life, my thirtieth birthday.
These days I am feeling happy, successful, and excited about what I fully believe will be one of my best summers ever.

I am a person who loves organization, and feels most zen when things are orderly and planned out and neat. This may be my preference, but right now my life seems rife with clutter and disorganization.
It’s been six months since I moved into my apartment, and it’s just now starting to feel like home. Maybe that’s because I’ve finally accepted it AS my home. For the last couple of months, a friend and I had been planning on moving into a house together this summer, so I didn’t bother getting too comfy where I’m at. But our plans fell through, leaving me to realize that where I am living is where I’m going to be, at least for another six months to a year, and that I needed to start treating the place as such.
Yesterday, I got home from work and went to get my mail, as I always do in the evenings. The mailboxes for my apartment complex are located in the main leasing office, and to get there from my unit I have to walk along a path and cross a foot bridge over a small stream that cuts the property in half. On this particular evening, it was sunny after a morning of rain, and as I crossed the bridge I took a deep breath of the fresh air and felt very comfortable and content, and glad to be home. It was the first time I’d really felt that happy to be there.
Last winter, when I packed my things to move, there wasn’t a lot of time for going through my belongings or to throw away unnecessary items. As a result, I moved a lot of junk to my new place. And once there, I only had a few days to unpack before I had to go back to work, and I was trying to make the place as comfortable for myself as possible before I had to resume a daily routine. So again, I didn’t really sort through anything, but instead tossed a lot of items I didn’t really have any use for into a cupboard or closet because at least it was put away and my place gave the appearance of being neat. But now that I’ve determined that I’m not leaving anytime soon, it’s time to go through those cupboards and closets and clear the clutter.
Last night I began the purge. I’ve decided that in order to keep the project from feeling completely overwhelming, I’ll tackle one space at a time. Last night I focused on one of the cabinets in my office, and quickly filled a trash bag with things that I absolutely do not need. When I hauled the bag downstairs and deposited it in the dumpster, I felt relieved, as if that was one less bag of stuff taking up much-needed space in my little apartment.
I want to have as little as possible. I don’t want to have loads of stuff just because I once liked it or because it was a present. I want less. I want smaller, more compact, more easy to manage. Maybe having more is widely accepted as a status symbol, as a sign of affluence and success. But to me it is scary. I want my little world to be as easy-to-manage as I can make it.
So marks the beginning of my journey to becoming a minimalist. I’m hoping that along the way I’ll achieve greater peace of mind and greater closet space.

I’ve always loved to write, from the time that I first learned how. From a young age I was always keeping diaries and journals, in addition to spending hours locked in my room, lost in the fantasy worlds created by my own imagination and written down in spiral notebooks or on the old laptop that my dad generously let me have. I’ve been blogging since 2005, on one forum or another.
In May, I started a new writing project after getting inspired by a blog post I read about keeping a Five Minute Journal as a tool to increase personal happiness. From this post, my idea to start what I think of as my  Gratitude Journal was born.
Each day (well, with the exception of days that I forget to do it), I write down three things that I am grateful for, three things that would make my day great, and a daily affirmation of my own self-worth. I am now a month into this project, and I am excited to say that I feel more positive and optimistic because of it!
Today, I decided to write down each of May’s daily affirmations to create a self-affirming paragraph. I don’t look at my previous journal entries from day to day, so I did find that some of my affirmations were remarkably like others and chose not to repeat them, but here is the paragraph I created with my journal for the month of May:
I am beautiful, smart, and successful and love who I am. I am capable of accomplishing anything, not alone but with the amazing family and friends that stand by me, support me, and lift me up. I am a quality person and I am loved because of who I am – and I deserve that love. I can handle any situation I am faced with because I am brave and resourceful. I can do anything I set my mind to, even if it makes me nervous. I can step out of my comfort zone and I will be fine. I deserve all the good things I receive in my life because I am an amazing person. I am an athlete. I am a quality, capable person. I am amazing.  I am a good and loyal friend. I am smart and beautiful. 
Reading these sentences, and being able to say that I believe each and every one of them with all of my heart, makes me feel fabulous!
I can now truly see the power of reflecting daily on the positive things in my life and for taking time to be grateful for what I have. Although of course there are things that I want, as all people want things, I am finding myself more and more content in what I already have. Thinking of three things each morning that I am grateful for has really driven me to pay closer attention to things that make me happy: Skype time with my parents, hanging out with friends, a sunny warm day. And when it comes to thinking of things that would make each day great, I opt not for grandiose things like winning the lottery (although that would be fantastic!) but for simple pleasures: spending time with loved ones, cuddling with my kitties, taking a walk. And when I do those things, I revel in them, because they really DO make my day great.
I’m very happy with the way keeping my Gratitude Journal makes me feel, and I’m planning to keep it up!

Last weekend I was very honored to participate in my second March for Babies Walk. The March of Dimes Foundation is a nonprofit organization that works to improve the health of mothers and babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality. Since I myself was a premature baby, and since I have friends that have had premature babies, the cause is very important to me. I had a great time participating last year, so I knew that I would want to get involved again. This time around, the experience was even more special because I got to walk with not only some very dear friends of mine, but also my dad!
This year, the walk was held at City Park in Edmonds. When we arrived, the weather was cloudy and chilly, but the sun quickly peeked out and we had great weather for the duration of the walk. And our team, Ounces of Love, was very successful this year – we raised over $2500!
 

 
Thank you to all who donated to this great cause! My page is still taking donations, so if you’d like to help out March of Dimes, go here and donate today!

Last week, my friend and fellow blogger Kate debuted her 25 Faces Campaign, in celebration of her 25th birthday in April. For 25 days, she will feature one post per day about a woman that she feels has inspired her in some way. I thought it was a neat idea when she pitched it to me, and I helped her by editing some of the posts for the project. I had expected to get a sneak peak of some really interesting and amazing women, and I wasn’t disappointed in that regard. What I didn’t expect was for her to ask me to be a part of the campaign and share the story of my abusive marriage and ultimate divorce, but when she did I agreed without giving it a second thought.
It’s been nearly ten years since I filed for divorce, and a lot of people that I know (even some of my own family) didn’t know the story. Kate published her interview with me last week (you can read the full post here), and I admit, I was very nervous to have such personal information published for any and all to read. Some of the things that I shared in that interview were things that I had kept to myself for nearly a decade, and I did feel vulnerable about the level of detail I went into at times. Let’s face it, abuse is a gritty topic, and some of the things I talked about are cringe-worthy even to me.  I worried that maybe I had divulged too much, but the reactions by those who read the post were overwhelmingly positive and supportive. I got tons of comments and personal messages cheering me on for sharing my story and commending me for who I have become today in light of my past.
I am very proud to be a part of 25 Faces. Each and every woman that is featured in the campaign is beautiful inside and out, and has a truly inspirational story to share. I’m sure that some felt like I did, that they were revealing a very private part of themselves in hopes of inspiring others around them. Others have achieved what may have felt like impossible dreams, and their stories encourage me to reach for my own goals. I even suggested to Kate that she should throw a gathering for her interviewees, so that we could all get together and meet one another (not all of us live in Washington state though, so it’d be difficult to pull this off). I encourage everyone to check out Kate’s blog and read each 25 Faces post!