I know I’m not alone when I say that 2016 sucked. I honestly can’t remember another year that was so very difficult and full of heartache. I lost people I loved, and I am still dealing with those losses. Several well-loved celebrities passed away. Donald Trump was elected president. My beloved Zumba instructor moved away. Yes, 2016 feels like a big middle finger to all that is good.
My friend Kate sent me her most recent blog post to look over, and while she concurred that 2016 was far from the best year ever, she did find some good things about it and inspired me to do the same. I decided to challenge myself to find things about this year that I really liked and was happily surprised that I was able to do it.
Since seven is my favorite number, here are the top seven moments of my 2016:
 
The Cubs won the World Series. My fiancee Bill is a huge Cubs fan, and cheering with him as his team finally broke the curse and won the World Series was definitely a highlight of 2016 for me.

We went to Hawaii. My birthday present to Bill for his 40th birthday was a trip to Maui. That trip was one of the best parts of the whole year for us. We relaxed, enjoyed the island, and ate too much good food.

I changed jobs. After a collective five years working high-level complaints, I transitioned into an analyst position with my company in October. It has been such a welcome change in so many ways. My work-related stress levels are way down, I have a fantastic new boss and a team of coworkers that I love, and I’m learning new things every day.

We climbed a mountain. Ever since Bill and I started dating, he’s been talking about hiking Mt. Pilchuck. While it sounded fun, it also sounded incredibly intimidating, but last summer I took the plunge and agreed to go. It was hard, probably even harder than I thought it would be, but it was SO beautiful and I felt so accomplished when we finally reached the car at the end of the hike.

I bought a bike and rode the heck out of it. I did not get my first bike until I was ten, and even once I had one, there was really nowhere to ride it. When I bought my Trek bike last May and started riding trails every weekend, I knew how to pedal and not fall over…but that was about it. I passed the summer blissfully logging miles and improving my speed and endurance. Admittedly, my bike hasn’t seen the light of day since the temperatures turned cold (I am officially a fair-weather rider), but as soon as spring is here I’ll be back to it!

I became a Subaru person. Yep, I traded in my sports car for a Subaru Impreza and I couldn’t be happier with the decision. Now I have a car that I can put bikes on, drive to trailheads, go camping with, and take on road trips. Oh, and it’s nice to have a car with four doors so I can actually pick up other people when I’m going places! Now that I’ve owned my first one, I’m definitely on Team Subaru.

We got the gang back together.….Meaning that I got to spend time with both my family and Bill’s in 2016. Since everyone but my brother lives out of state, coordinating visits is hard! Bill and I flew to Indiana for an extended weekend in August, and my whole family got together for a long weekend in December. Now that my brother and I both live in Edmonds and my sister’s in San Diego, it’s hard to get everyone together at my parents’ house at the same time. We managed to pull it off though, and we had a blast!

When I look back on this year, I’m going to do my best to remember the good things that happened instead of the bad…choose to be happy, right? Dwelling on the bad won’t make it better, so I’m going to try and move on in my own way and put my energy into making 2017 my best year yet.
 
 
 

He was smart and adventurous, funny and kind. We worked together for over three years, during which time we grew as close as brother and sister. We had many thoughtful conversations about everything that popped into our heads. We leaned on each other when things were difficult, we laughed together during many good times.
He left the company we worked for, gave away most of his belongings and hopped on a plane to travel the world. How I envied his impulsiveness as he moved from country to country, and how I missed being able to see him nearly every day. When he came back the following summer, he took me out for Mexican food and talked animatedly about everything he had seen and done. For hours we sat outside on the deck in the evening sunshine, as he told me about his travels and adventures. Our friendship was as strong as ever, even though we didn’t see each other nearly so often. We still made a point of getting together, usually to watch a football game. No matter how long it had been since we’d seen each other, it would instantly feel as if we’d never been apart. He would wrap me in a warm hug and exclaim, “Sunshine! I’ve missed you!”, using his special nickname for me. And then we would laugh and catch up on whatever had been going on in our lives.
In November, we met up to watch a Seahawks game. He was in a cheerful mood. He ordered a huge cheeseburger as he told me stories about his new job in between football plays. When I hugged him goodbye I had no idea it would be the last time I would ever be able to do so. A couple of weeks later, on his birthday, I texted with him, wishing him a happy day. He seemed to be in good spirits.
The next thing I heard was about him, not from him. It was the first weekend in December and he was gone forever.
Losing a loved one to suicide is so much different than any other kind of loss. On top of the grief, there’s the ever-present struggle with not being able to understand why. Although knowing why he felt he could not go on would not change the outcome, I feel like it would give me some closure on things. I have to accept that there will be no understanding, that his reasons were his own and I will never know them. What I do know is that I think of him every day, and I miss him.
The day of his funeral was bright and sunny, bitterly cold. It’s brisk, my dad would always joke on a freezing cold morning like that one. The six of us that had worked with him sat neatly in a pew, joined by Bill, and surrounded by some people we knew and others we had never met. His mother and his best friend each spoke to all of us in the room, telling stories of his life and reading things he had written (he was a wonderful writer). After that a lengthy slideshow was played, all photos of him, of his life, with his usual big smile (and, in more recent photos, the various stages of his beard) on his face.
Since then, life has been a bit of a blur. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe. I’ve broken down a few times and really cried, but for the most part I try to keep myself quiet and calm. I’m torn between desperately wanting to spend time with people I love, in case I never again have the chance, and at the same time desperately needing to be alone.
The happiest memories of him can bring tears to my eyes now that he’s gone. I was forever changed by knowing him and changed further by losing him.
My promise to myself is to try to live my life the way he lived his, seeking adventure and laughing hard and hugging people in such a warm and comfortable way that those hugs will be part of a legacy.